After watching the ‘Telephone’ music video, I’m sure most of you were left wondering what the heck it was about. Lady GaGa goes to jail, get’s bailed out by Beyonce (or Honey B), and then they kill a bunch of people in a diner. Meanwhile, she throws everything at us but the kitchen sink and we’re left to wonder what any of it has to do with the song. Fear not, I think I may have the explanation a lot of you have been searching for.

The main things people notice about this video are the ads. They are almost in every frame of the video. If you hate the ads, then get ready because most of the story line is centered around those very same ads. To fully grasp what I’m trying to say, imagine Lady GaGa’s brain as a telephone. Now imagine that the ads are placing individual calls to her telephone every time you see them in the video. They are trying to influence the way her brain thinks. On the other hand, Beyonce is also trying to reach GaGa’s telephone. She tries to remind her of who she really is. So basically, her brain is like Grand Central Station. I will go in depth a bit more…

As a continuation of the Paparazzi video, Lady GaGa goes to jail for killing her boyfriend. At this point she is still maintaining her ‘The Fame’ identity. I say this because she has the particularly defined shoulder pads and sleekness about her that she had around during her first album. (Remember: Lady GaGa says her whole life is a performance, so even her real life can tie into her storylines). While walking to her cell, the fellow inmates call her names and taunt her. Then, she is figuratively and literally stripped of her identity by the guards. This begins the process in which the ads and outside influences start to consume GaGa’s psyche.

Even so, she tries to maintain her identity while in the prison. While in the courtyard, she still has that ‘Fame’ look about her, but now she is in chains because her individuality is seen as a danger in the prison. This parallels the way GaGa’s career has stirred up so much controversy in real life. Even the other inmates respond negatively to her. As she walks across the courtyard many of them seem disgusted by her. Well, all but one. The androgynous woman seems to like her, but this woman herself is plagued by an ad. After sharing a kiss with her, GaGa gets her first taste of an ad ‘calling her telephone’. Ironically, this ad is for a telephone. A telephone calling a telephone! Who would have thought?

Note- While this kiss was going on, Beyonce was trying to call GaGa’s telephone too. This reinforces the idea that she is trying to remind GaGa of who she is.

Over time as GaGa is exposed to the ads and products, she begins to resemble the other inmates. Meanwhile, Beyonce is still trying to “reach her telephone”, but to no avail. Why? Because Lady GaGa has learned to like this new identity and therefore she’s learned to like the prison. Even after talking to Beyonce on the phone, she still disregards the call and goes as far as to dance with the inmates that refer to her as “bitch”. In a way, GaGa has lost her individuality and has just become another part of the group. However, Beyonce eventually bails her out and Lady GaGa comes out wearing a similar style she entered the prison in, but something’s different this time-

-the style is similar, but not quite the same. It has evolved. It has gone from ‘The Fame’ to ‘The Fame: Monster’. Instead of blond hair, she now has yellow hair and instead of the sleekness from before, she now has an elegance about her. Also note that as she is leaving we see that even the guards are plagued by ads, meaning no one is safe from the imprisonment of advertising.

As she gets into the car, Honey B looks very very unhappy. Why? Because GaGa has been a very very bad girl. Honey B can see that while GaGa has been rejecting her calls, she has been accepting the calls of the ads and the materialism has changed her. After giving her a bite of the honeybun, Honey B tosses it out the window because it is also just another advertisement.

Note- This is also where Honey B’s honey comes into play. It seems as though everyone wants her honey throughout the video. I’m not sure if this is some sort of sexual innuendo, but feel free to express your thoughts on it in the comments.

As they drive down the road, Gaga and Honey B share a dialogue about what they are about to do at the diner ahead.After talking it over, GaGa snaps Honey B’s picture as they continue to drive ahead. Meanwhile, Honey B sings about how her telephone can’t be reached, meaning the Polaroid ad isn’t going to affect her, so GaGa can go ahead and take her picture is she wants. Afterward, the pictures are thrown out of the car.

Now to explain this next part, I’m going to mess with the chronology of the video a bit. I know that the “Let’s Make a Sandwich!” bit seems entirely random, but it does serve its purpose. GaGa seems to have taken on the role of a cook at the diner. In order to help Honey B poison her chauvinist pig of a boyfriend (played by Tyrese Gibson), she poisons the honey that everyone seems to be after.  However, while she’s making the poisoned honey, she is still getting calls from advertisements to her telephone. The telephonic headdress seems to further the idea that the telephone is, in fact, her brain. By accident, GaGa goes overboard with the poison because the ads have turned her into someone who is obsessed with materialism and consumption, therefore she uses way more than she needs to poison just one person. The recipe shows us how much she should use, but instead she just tosses whatever she feels like into the mix. You can compare the entire bottle she uses to the smile vial Honey B (who seems to be immune to outside influences) uses to fully grasp this concept.

The result?

A diner full of dead people…and one dead dog. Nothing to dance about right? Apparently not. I think this scene is there just for the sake of another dance scene, but the outfits do help to further the overall storyline. In a way, GaGa is saying that Americans become so inundated with technology and materialism that it becomes an obsession that drives us to the point of death. For example, we as a country know that over-consumption will one day destroy us, but we still continue to consume anything and everything around us.

At the end, Honey B and GaGa escape in the Pussy Wagon. Honey B asks, “You promise we’ll never come back?” I think this is the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. In a way, they are escaping the land of ads and materialism and driving off into the sunset to a place where they can be free of all the calls to their telephones. As they drive off, they are still being hunted down by the culture of American materialism and we are left to wonder what happens next.

Now, if you were able to grasp all of that, I congratulate you. It is a lot to take in. But I think that is the point. The video is supposed to make you feel overloaded with information to reinforce its main themes. If I’m right about this, it is a great commentary on the westernized way of life and how our culture affects the people who indulge themselves in it.

So one of two things are happening here:

A) I am wrong and Lady GaGa’s natural state of mind is that of an acid trip.

B) I hit the nail on the head, meaning Lady GaGa is genius. Why? Because she managed to figure out how to put a million ads in her video and still make it part of the overall plot. That way, she has a really interesting story and still collects a TON of money from all the companies she displayed in her video.

What do you think?